I Don’t Care What You May Say So D’Arvit to You

Dearest darlingest Wanderers … yeah, I disgusted myself a little there too, don’t worry. But I wanted to greet you affectionately. Maybe I should have reconsidered my wording. Anyway, dear fellow Wanderers on this journey through fandom we are taking. You already know how fond we at FW Towers are of Sherlock Holmes in his many, many forms. Seriously, how many adapatations has that guy got? I know we’re only scratching the surface so far, makes you wonder how deep it goes… But I’m getting off the point, the point is, once upon a time I reviewed Eoin Colfer’s own Sherlock Holmes in the form of Half Moon Investigations. Now, this feels like the perfect time to look at his Moriarty. Yes folks, lock up your valuables, we’re looking at Artemis Fowl.

Artemis Fowl cover

So where to begin with dear old Artemis… The series starts with a 12 year old criminal genius discovering and thus proving (at least to himself and his butler called… Butler) the existence of fairies. Who are actually extremely technologically advanced beings and have a police force so cool they could whup your butt without you realising. The most awesome of which is Holly Short, technically the token girl on the squad but she’s there to prove a point dammit, and she’ll prove it well with her… lax attitude to the rules. Yeah, that bit doesn’t go over so well for her. It’s sort of like she looked at the rule book and chucked it out the window. She’s more of a Lestrade in this set up, I’d say, but y’know, one who is allowed to be the awesome police officer.

Artemis, as a lead character in what is essentially a children’s series (yes I’m doing a GUST again, no I do not particularly care that a lot of the media I like comes under this. Learn to accept the awesome, people), is actually a pretty complex evil little mastermind who eventually turns sort of … good by the end of it all. Sort of, he is only human after all people. Also I’m trying not to spoil anyone and … yeah. Sort of is the most you’re getting from me. It’s like getting an insight into what makes the ‘evil’ one tick, and discovering actually, he’s still pretty human, morality aside. Plus it’s just sort of awesomely cool to have this kid outplaying all the big names of the underworld, don’t ‘cha think?

The second protagonist of the series is LEPRcon officer Holly Short. Originally a deconstruction of The Smurfette Principle, Holly has to prove herself as the only female member of the more exclusive branch of the police force. Which, I’ll be honest, is a refreshing take on the whole thing. It’s nice to see the characters having to prove their worth, even if we as readers already know it. Holly is an awesomely badass character, with the majority of the action scenes in the books being hers.

Each book follows a vaguely similar plot which boils down to: Artemis does something wrong. Well, we can’t expect him to be Mr. Goody Good. Anyway he does something, or something he has previously done causes stuff to go down and action needed to be taken. It does get to a point were you can’t help but think the LEP would be better off just having a section to deal with Artemis Fowl mess ups. Then you realise they do have that section, and her name is Holly Short. Poor girl. Ah well, at least she’s got his respect. Sort of. I did mention Artemis was a complex little Moriarty didn’t I?

So, it’s getting down to the who would like these books – often described as Die Hard with Fairies. Well, Sherlock Holmes fans would be my first point to turn to, if only because Artemis is Moriarty, d’arvit! … I apologise to any of the fairies reading this for my language. I’d also recommend it to fans of Harry Potter, or even H.I.V.E. (which we will get to eventually), and maybe also the Skulduggery Pleasant fans among us.

Come on, it’s Die Hard with Fairies. Least you could do is check it out.

Z McAspurren (wonders when on earth the AF movie is going to happen)

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